This supposed to suck

Yes, this intentionally bad, even if it’s not, i’m labelling it as so, i’m not writing this post for shares, likes or any kind of external validation, so i’m voluntarily asking for this to suck.

Yes, these things are awesome dopamine hits, but seeking perfection and waiting for people’s approval has been a mental prison for years.

I wanted to start writing long time ago. Never did…

I wanted to build the project ideas that always popped in my head in the shower. Never did…

The spikes of motivation followed by the self loathing for never taking a real step has been a real mind fuck.

My friends were thoughts like “Ew, really, a blog? another one? what is this, 1999?!” Or the crowd pleaser “Side project? oh my god you’re so lame, there are hundred thousands of these out-there and no one ever use them, grow up!”

Needless to say that i ditched these kinda friends, if i really had friends that i talk to like that they would’ve ditched me too long time ago.

I’m okay writing a thought that no one will every read, or building a product that no one will use as long as i loved the process of creating.

At some point of writing this i was intrigued to copy and paste the text into all of the LLM models i used, ChatGPT O1, claude and deepSeek to get insights and refactor how this is written, but it kinda contradict what i’m trying to do here, not care.

Gaining back the freedom to screw up, to fall down on a public way and to simply be wrong is what i’m looking for.

Will it lead anywhere? No idea.

let it not.